Notes From the Outer Edge
Some general thoughts & observations.
"Pastor" Ahyh, July 2002.
When I changed my name 4 years ago I did not realize that folks like Cher, Prince, Madonna etc have 2 legal names. The "Cher" word is a "Doing Business As", a DBA, a registered trademark, whatever. But in their personal, private lives they have 2 names.
I never imagined the pain I would cause "the system" and the challenges I would make for myself by only having one name. The USA Social Security Administration, for example, MUST have a first & last name. So, for them, my official, legal name is UNKNOWN AHYH. Interesting. Even cosmic. The problem is that my tax returns only say "Ahyh." So the $3,700 refund I am owed is still, ummmm, in limbo.
I have not found a single on-line ordering service I can use. After much work I got my credit cards issued in ONE NAME. The only problem is, every online ordering system I know requires 2 names. And if I try "Mr. Ahyh" or "Mister Ahyh" (or any number of other combinations & devices) then the system finds this does not match what's on the credit card, and I am rejected.
I applied for a $35 in-store credit card. Rejected. Same problem. What I put on the app did not match whatever is in the credit-reporter's computer. Just try to get THAT ironed out.
To make a long story short, I am nearly convinced (I say "nearly" because I have not actually done anything about it) that I must go back to the court & legally change my name again. Get a proper last name.
And I've decided what that's going to be.
"Whole." As in "I Will Be Whole."
Mr. Ahyh Whole.
"Paging Mister Whole...Mister Ahyh Whole...."
For my Practical Aspects of Ministry class, my senior year of college in 1980 (but it was NOT 22 years ago, no, that is not true), we were required to deliver a final, best sermon.
Mine was called "Sermons Suck Eggs." I have the cassette tape, and had it transcribed.
The basic thrust was that we hear too many sermons. And that we don't need to hear any more sermons.
We need to start practicing the ones we've already heard.
I am convinced this is more true today than ever.
"When will you start posting new stuff?" One way or the other this is a constant theme in my life. Others ask me. I ask myself.
I do not know the answer.
These are my hesitations:
- We really do NOT need to learn anything new. Everything we really need to know is freely available to us. There is, however, a GREAT LACK of actual religious EFFORT in this world. Everyone wants to argue about what they believe. The less they know, the more forcefully they argue. We still think that believing things has value, instead of living solid, honest lives.
- There's already too much as it is. Type "YHWH" into a search engine and you see 48,000 listings. And on this little corner of the Web I've already posted +1,000 pages. I'm convinced that what's really important, what really matters, has become diluted through an excess of riches. But I'm also convinced that LIFE is what matters, not belief.
- The material here has also become devalued, my observations portend, and I am told over & over, because it is free. On the one hand I gained it freely, and know to my core that I owe it freely to the Human Race. On the other hand, I see millions of people spending billions of dollars on, well, less-than-enlightened materials. That helps them to value it. Statistically it is certain that YOU would take this material much more seriously if you paid $$$ for it. No, I don't need the money. I won't go into the details, but I simply don't need the money. But all the signs are that YOU need to pay it.
- I have made things WAY too easy for my friends & fellow seekers. You don't have to work for anything here. Whereas my Rabbi would say, literally, 20 words & send me off on a 20 year search & struggle, I give you 200 pages on the journey & results. And you cannot appreciate it. If you watch a butterfly strain & struggle to escape its cocoon, you could have "compassion" on that butterfly and delicately cut the cocoon away from it. But your compassion would be misplaced. It is only the struggle against the fibers of the cocoon that enables the butterfly's wings to strengthen. Without the work, without the effort, its wings die, and the butterfly dies too. And sometimes I fear my compassion is misplaced.
- And this has to do with another human trait. We already know for good reason that our Web-tools are called browsers. The more I write, the more people are able to quickly scan through to see if this is something that matches what they already believe, or is different from what they already believe. Either way, very, very few are actually WORKING with any of the material.
- Magic Formulas do not exist. Even if they did, they would be wrong. As people keep looking for more & more sites, more & more "truth," more & more writings, what they are really doing is looking for the ONE, FINAL combination of words that will unlock the door containing all their problems, and they will be free. Just exactly the right words, and POOF! all problems will be solved. But this is done, my friends, in a rabid attempt to AVOID LIVING & doing what we know is right.
- I don't think the world needs any more voices. The Prophets, ancient and modern, in scripture, radio & multimedia, have been proclaiming the same things: Be honest. Love one another. Take care of your children. Stay out of debt. If they ignore Moses & Jesus & Isaiah & Schlessinger & Orman, it is only crass ego that makes me think they will actually listen to me.
For ages & ages, I thought & felt in my deepest soul that the one thing I wanted & was called for, more than anything else, was a global ministry.
I'm just not so sure anymore.
The "Charismatic Movement" is a term used to loosely refer to those who believe that the gifts of the Holy Spirit are still alive & real today. I am, among other things, a Charismatic.
One of the gifts is Prophesy. Like everything, it is both a blessing and source of potential abuse. It becomes real easy for those who are not actually in touch with the Spirit to push their own agenda by starting with "God told me that..."
I've become real skeptical over the years. Most of the time I just look at the lives they live, and run away.
But in March of 2001 I received a Prophesy. I say "received" because this one, delivered as it was, rang with an inner witness of truth I don't often experience.
It's essence was this:
People's hearts are going to continue to grow ever colder. You will begin to notice how sadly twisted & sickened most souls are. You will need to fight the temptation to withdraw. You need to get your own life in order as much as possible.
Doesn't sound all that dramatic, but it has proven to be one of THE central themes of my life.
It seems that, for almost every one of my fellow passengers on Starship Earth, it is almost impossible for them to apply their efforts into what is actually important to them.
I know of almost no exceptions.
You will be what you will to be.
This is true for everyone.
And is also God's Heart.
Everything else is noise.
